Unlovable
by Merridaine
Summary: Some how, it’s not as satisfying as you thought it would be; watching her break before your very eyes.


You watch as her face crumples when you inform her of you intent. Some how it's not as satisfying as you thought it would be; watching her break before your very eyes. She raises a hand to cover her mouth- to trap the gasp of sorrow that threatened to escape those trembling lips. Your dark eyes stare into her green ones.

But this time she won't meet your gaze. The defiance that burned in her eyes with blazing passion, the defiance that you loved in her is gone. You killed that part of her with your crass words. And why? Just to make her feel the torment in your own heart; a fraction of your own pain. Now you're asking yourself if it was worth it?

Well was it?

Where's the satisfaction that, even now, should be creeping into the back of your thoughts? The type that comes with a job well done- a silent pat on the back from your festering conscience. It doesn't come to consolidate you; to inform you you've done a superior deed. It's not here to stroke your ego, to make you feel like the big man for breaking her heart. Not this time. You've gone too far.

And you realise as tears roll down her pale cheeks; you've shattered something that can't be fixed with words or actions. You've broken her- the last vestment of your humanity. So what does that make you?

It makes you a monster.

It makes you the monster everyone else sees.

The monster you never believed you were till you hurt her.

The monster she failed to see till now.

And what's this foreign feeling that tugs at your heart? Why does it feel so heavy in your chest? It's unbearable, the weight of your actions pull you down now. It drapes across your shoulders like a thick cloak making you hunch forward. Your pride is stung by this alien emotion; you're aristocratic façade drops away as the consequences of your actions send the world crashing down around you. You're no longer noble; no longer the hero you saw yourself as.

You hurt her. An innocent girl whose only crime was loving you, caring for you even when she knew she shouldn't. She was willing to give you anything and everything- and you knew this, so what made you do it? She would have sacrificed her village, her friends and her happiness to make you smile and accept her. But you've thrown it in her face again. Why is it that you always have to flaunt your power over her?

"_Arrogance gets you nowhere Sasuke." _Your mother's voice echoes in your head. A testament to her wisdom: wisdom that you so inconsiderately ignored again.

You're forced to disagree with her astute words- it has got you somewhere this time. It's taken you to a new low. You wonder what your mother would have thought of you now; crippling the weak and powerless. What is it that you despised in Itachi, even before the massacre? Wasn't it his cold aloof comments; those harsh words that cut you down every time. Do you remember how worthless you felt? Do you remember hating that habit, vowing to never possess it? Well you've broken that promise. You're a hypocrite.

You begin to hate yourself almost as much as you hate Itachi. Take a good long look at your team mate. Remember the pain you've caused her and store it in your heart. Remember that you can never do this again for fear of destroying yourself. Preserve your soul with the guilt you feel now and watch the world through eyes bright with new perspective.

Hope she'll forgive you- because you won't forgive yourself. Pray that she'll recover one day and won't fall into herself. You wish she'll become stronger and guard her heart better because you know; despite your burning guilt; that you'll continue to pull her heart apart. You won't be able to stop yourself; you'll keep going until you've shredded her core and made her into an empty shell of herself. After all you are a monster.

Now you really know you're despicable, loathsome and vile . Look at her. Take in that boyish face framed by fluffy pink hair. Muse for a moment how such a feminine colour reminds you of everything you value about this small village. It is the same pink that illuminates the heavy orange sky, warmed by rosy hues as the red sun sets in the west. The same pink as her cheeks when you embarrass her with something as simple as a glance. It's a darker pink than those delicate petals that fall from the cherry trees so common in this season- a lighter pink than the bruises that you and Sakura give Naruto for his childish ignorance.

Maybe you'll miss this place when you're gone. Walking away into uncertainty and darkness. Do you feel like a traitor? Trading in all you love and know for power. You don't. To you, you'll never be a traitor as long as she'll adore you. As long as he'll find a sibling in you. As long as they'll be your family.

Step forward, now.

Walk past her. Do it swiftly, with conviction.

You can't look back her. Don't look back at her. You know you'll crack if you do. You'll give in; you'll go back to her. You won't leave.

Keep walking.

She screams out to you.

Pleads with you.

Cries for you.

Then she blinks as you disappear.

Hangs her head.

Now you thank her.

_Arigato_

Thank her for showing you what you've become. Inconsiderate. Selfish. Conceited. _**Unlovable**__._

Thank her for trying her best to believe that you are something else. A boy called Sasuke. Not an Uchiha. Not an avenger. But a person capable of something other than hate and vengeance.

Thank her because you know she'll always wait for you.

Thank her for caring.


End file.
